A couple nights ago I had a little argument with my dogs. Bonnie and Murphy are brother and sister, Labrador and Golden Retriever mixes. We usually get along fine, but today they set me off pretty good. We usually have dinner at the same time the dogs got their bowls of kibble, I had my sandwich. No sooner than I sat down they were in front of me begging for my food.
By the time I was halfway finished, I had two dog heads in my lap and a drool-covered knee. I scolded them and gently nudged them away. After talking to them like one would explain why they were angry at a child, I realized I’m an idiot. Disgusted with myself, I finished my sandwich.
I'd let myself forget dogs are animals. They're driven by instinct and training, not reasoning and explanation. I could've rambled on about it's impolite to mooch while drooling on people until I was blue in the face. The response would've been the same: feed me eyes and more drooling.
Dogs are pack animals, and I’m part of their pack. The pack shares food and they would’ve had no problem with me taking a handful of kibble from the bowl. It’s crunchy and stays crunchy in milk, or at least I hear it does. Either way, they just wanted their share of the grub.
Remembering that nugget reminds me we tend to assign human qualities to our pets. It’s worse when our kids are adults and out living their lives.
For example, I had a customer and her adult daughter come to my counter a few days ago. Mom was pushing a custom stroller with a tiny Yorkshire Terrier onboard. The pooch was wearing a snazzy turtleneck sweater and was pacing around the stroller wanting to get a better view. It was a strain not to question the lady’s sanity. I managed to keep a straight face during our conversation and said hello to the dog.
That wasn’t the first time we’ve had someone cruise through the store with a tiny dog in some kind of baby-carrying device. Strollers are pretty common, as well as those baby slings that look like an inverted backpack.
The one that really got me wondering was the young man who had a tiny dog in a carrier that looked like a purse. At first glance, I actually thought it was a purse (“murse”? “manbag”?) until I saw a tiny, terrified face looking through the mesh on the side. I asked him about the pooch, and he pulled the little dog out. It immediately peed on my counter. It was another Yorkie and matched the bag from the bow on top of her head to her painted-pink toenails. When did dogs become fashion accessories? Will he get rid of the dog when the bag goes out of style?
The folks who are catering to these people are brilliant. A quick look on Amazon.com shows strollers for dogs range from around $50 to over $200! Had I kept digging, I probably would've been able to finde one with climate control and a refrigerated Perrier dispenser. I'm in the wrong business. How far is too far? What is the mechanism that makes us go from picking out a nifty collar to pushing them in a stroller? I guess it's all about making the and the pet happy. Nobody's getting hurt by it, it's just a little on the odd side. I'm not judging, I just find it comical.
No matter how much we think of our dog as our “fur babies”, put clothes on them and assign them other human traits, they’re still dogs. They’re still pack animals, and they’ll still want their share of my damned sandwich. Maybe next time they’ll win.
